The main problem: He was a recent widower, not ready to date yet, although a counselor had convinced him that he was. and then suddenly what seemed to be a promising relationship abruptly fell apart. Within the first few dates we had agreed to wait a few months before having sex.īut in less than a month of dating, we both got carried away and things progressed too quickly. I remember a man I dated early in my dating life. If you wait a few months and get to know each other, you’re more likely to think of it as making love instead of having sex.Īnd isn’t that how you want to feel, if what you want is true love?ĭon’t you want that special thing you share to have love tied to it? A Sex and Dating Mistake I Made I’m not suggesting that you wait until you’re married because you may not ever get married. You’ll see more of the reasons to wait below. You’ll surely find people with that same intention.īe considerate enough to let potential dates know right from the start that that is what you’re looking for.īut if you’re looking for a long term, committed relationship, there’s much to consider before hopping into bed within the first few dates. If your goal with dating is to have a series of casual sexual hook-ups, that’s perfectly fine. “Rapid sexual initiation often creates poor partner selection because intense feelings of pleasure and attachment can be confused for true intimacy and lasting love.” Having Sex vs. “Simply put, we are hardwired to connect,” he writes. Jason Carroll, a professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University and one of the study authors, speculates that one reason couples benefit from waiting before becoming sexually involved is because people tend to make better decisions about dating before they’re physically entangled. Couples who slept together between a month and two years after their first date - but didn’t wait until marriage - saw about half of the benefits. Researchers found that couples who waited until marriage reported not just less consideration of divorce but also higher relationship satisfaction, better communication and superior sex when compared with couples who began having sex within a month of their first date (or before they started dating). Research Shows That Waiting to Have Sex Is a Good ThingĪ 2010 study published in the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Family Psychology looked at the relationship between the amount of time a couple waits to have sex and the quality of their marriage. Great sex by itself or with little else holding the relationship together, rarely if ever leads to a sustainable, healthy relationship. If you have sex early on, your decision making is too much driven by physical attraction and too little driven by critical thinking. Once you’ve known someone for several months, you have the insight needed to decide whether or not those shortcomings matter. When you’ve only known someone for a week or so, you’re unlikely to see any of their shortcomings, which we all have. Similarly when you’re dating, you need a few months of seeing each other regularly to know whether you share the same values and other important aspects of a serious relationship. Is the employer happy with you and are you happy with them? Some people think of the first few months of dating as a probationary period, much like when you start a new job.īoth you and the employer use the first several months to decide whether you have a mutual good fit. Or, worse, we may jump into bed too soon because we feel we have to, or risk losing that person. We may want instant gratification so much that we overlook the consequences. This need for speed may have an impact on relationships, too. We continuously upgrade to the latest devices and technologies, all designed to operate and satisfy our needs faster and faster. In the digital age, we’re used to everything moving at lightning speed. It seems that we all want things to happen super fast. Having sex too early can kill a relationship before it’s had a chance to catch hold. You may have found your soulmate.īut more than likely, the relationship is doomed to crash and burn. Everything may work out, and your relationship may thrive and grow in a healthy way. This may be the beginning of a beautiful relationship. Suddenly you’re on your way to the bedroom and clothes are flying off. Things kick into high gear from one moment to the next. You really like him or her, and you’re clearly extremely attracted to each other. maybe it’s the first date, or you’ve only had a few dates. You’re on a date and everything’s clicking. Has this sex and dating scenario happened to you?
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